It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
