so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
