I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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