I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
