And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
