I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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