do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
