I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
you never un-have a 4some
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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