I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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