He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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