id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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