you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
