tell your sister to shave her snatch
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
