Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We are all done wearing pants today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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