You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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