I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
