Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
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Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
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He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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