at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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