you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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