i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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