My sheets look like a crime scene.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
