i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
