My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
