She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
