But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
