No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
