You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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