dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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