I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
