So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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