Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
