8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
