Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
