So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
