grandma shit on top of the toilet
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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