The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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