just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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