At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
this boner is exhausting
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
