I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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