I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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