there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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