Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
