I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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