Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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