some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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