Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
