her vagine was all disorganized.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
