Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
