omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
