can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
