my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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