i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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