i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I would fuck him just for his dog
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
