is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
