i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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