Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
