she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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