can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
