So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
