How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
