i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
