She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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