you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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