sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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