My first STD was from a foam party
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
