I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
