im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
