I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
