don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
