So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
