My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We don't watch enough power rangers
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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