New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
